Obviously Ready Message

After 2 years in this place, it has somehow been established that I’m the weird guy. That is not too far from the truth. After enlisting, the whole bunch of my friends who have access to computers created a mailing list. It’s called “A Typical Work Day”. So what exactly is a typical day at work?

I wake up at 6.00am. I have a normal bed, a normal bedsheet and a normal blanket. But they are weird, because I am weird. I have a weird breakfast of eggs. I watch some weird and gay news on Channel News Asia, brush up then shower. then I put on my uniform. Now my uniform is not weird at all because it is the same one that everyone else here wears. Hence it is definitely not weird.

I take the train that everyone else takes. Now people don’t really like standing near me. Sometimes I wonder why. Perhaps it is the Vogue magazine that I like to flip through or the Wilde play that I adore. After all, these are weird things. A man, much less a soldiering man, should not like fahsion nor read. These are weird things best left to girls and pussies. They are testosterone kryptonite. I love kryptonite, hence I’m weird.

I reach work, tap in and start the day by reading the papers. I skip breakfast because I like my breakfast early at home. Now surely that is weird. How come this guy doesn’t like waiting on other people for 20min, then queueing together for another 15min before eating breakfast? He’s weird.

I do work in a weird way too. I don’t spend much time on them. I get htem done sufficiently, but still I don’t spend much time on them. Since I don’t spend much time on them, I wouldn’t have put in much effort. Although we know in elementary classical physics that the integral for work done does not involve time (and even if it is involved in the middle portion, it cancels out in the end), theory is bullshit. That’s right. Theory is weird. I once had a chat with a Walrus Odobenus and he insisted that theory is rubbish. All that matters is the practical. Theory is “write on paper only no use”. So theory is weird. And not spending much time on work and getting it done is weird. One must definitely spend a lot of time on work. Efficiency? Na. That’s best left to the two compulsory projects proposing time and cost savings every year that we must submit. Besides, in order to be efficient we must make a lot of noise and exasperate incessantly.

Then when the top guys visit, I address them by their name. That’s right. How can I do that? Of course I shouldn’t address another person by his name. That is NOT what his name is for. Instead his, his name should be abbreviated to only Sir. Addressing another person by the name he has is weird, gay and disrespectful. Instead, we shall only call people Sir. It makes them feel important, loved and dignified. Oh yes! Our generals and ministers need that token of dignity from us. Hence I’m weird.

It is normal to stick to SOPs without variance nor exceptions. After all, what is the point of making a rule if you don’t follow it? Yes the rule might not make sense. But still, a rule is a rule. It is weird to examine why a rule makes sense. It is weird to even try, because eventually that rule will be justified by another one that makes just as much sense. It is normal to enforce arriving at 8am and leaving only after 5.30pm more strictly than ensuring that one works purposefully and effectively. Na. The latter doesn’t matter much. We are all equal, so the lazy and the efficient ones must be treated alike. Oh wait. What efficiency? So long as I spend 9.5 hours at work, I must definitely produce something.

One must always take what one’s superior says to be the law. Because a grouping of a certain specie of crustacean is bigger than teh law. What law? Only SOPs. What logic? Only procedures.

Then again, I’m weird. And I’m out.

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